Close your eyes, take a deep breath, hold it for a few seconds and exhale. Fantastic isn't it? It's amazing. Now picture this. You lay down at night and go to sleep. A time where your mind wanders into dreams only you know of. A time where your body relaxes, and when you wake up, given that you got proper rest you feel refreshed, fantastic and alive. What if at some point during your sleep you stopped breathing? For minutes at a time? What if at some point you woke up gasping for air as if someone was choking you? Fighting hard and struggling to get a breath in. What if this is something you had to live with?
In the United States over 18 million people are affected by this disorder. Its called Sleep Apnea...also called Obstructive Sleep Apnea (OSA) It can be caused by either complete obstruction of the airway or a partial obstruction.Both of which can wake someone up, but not always. I am one of those "over 18 million people." There have been times in years past that it has been a major factor, where I've woken up gasping for air as if i was being smothered with a pillow. but I've always disregarded it. Perhaps it's a reason why I never seem to sleep anyway. But the fact is that the last two nights of my life have been absolutely miserable. On consecutive nights I have woken up in a frantic panic fighting for a breath. Last night in particular was worse than ever before. No matter how hard I tried nothing came in. I tried not to panic and relax but nothing helped. I was wide awake trying desperately to catch the faintest of breaths...and it's at this moment as you become more desperate for air and nothing comes in as you slowly begin to black out you can only hope, perhaps even pray that as you fall back down onto your bed or the floor something will give. The passage will be opened and air will get in. You immediately begin to think of family and friends and you completely freak out at the very real possibility of never being able to see them again, no more laughter, no more smiles no more fancy wine dinners, no more sunrises and sunsets, glorious views of the stars,and you begin to wonder why?! why now?! why like this?! Your life flashes in front of your very own eyes instantly flooding your mind with images that comfort you, at least I know that one of the last wines I consumed was a bottle of the 2008 Intern Chardonnay. My creation.. In an instant comes blackness. This is it. This is what it is like to suffocate and die....and somehow...for reasons beyond comprehension hours pass and you open your eyes. Blink seven times..and you think to yourself that maybe it was just a dream, a nightmare of sorts and as you inhale a breath of air you feel the pain in the back of your throat chest and lungs. As if someone bashed you with a baseball bat or perhaps as if they were overworked strenuously by somebody fighting for their last breath, and you instantly jump out of bed and realize it was not a dream. It really happened. You catch yourself touching everything you possibly can around you to make sure you really are alive and that this is really happening. That life is real. You look in the mirror and smile when you realize that everything is OK. Then you frantically jump online and start looking for specialists that are near by that will hopefully be able to help you.
I can sit here and say that this was a near death experience, and say it has changed me and that life is so fragile how much I cherish it. Let's face it. Everyday living is a near death experience. And I already cherish life and all the beauty and intricacies it has to offer. Perhaps it still has not hit me. Perhaps it will at some point. But i know one thing is for sure. Today everything smells livelier, feels more incredible and is simply more illuminated. I'm taking the day slow. Going to hang out at GRAM Wine and Liquors with my father today and discuss some things pertaining to the store as well as my life. Then we are going to watch USA play against Canada in the gold medal game. Family. Wine. Hockey. What's not to like about thaT?! Cheers.
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